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DON’T PRETEND. JUST BE YOURSELF.

Pretending to be somebody or trying to act like a person who you consider ‘the best’ isn’t the final solution. Trust me when I say this – you are unique in your own way and that’s the biggest magic of being yourself.

There is no need to idolise someone who you admire so much. Yes, it’s true. These people that you admire have a wonderful character or may possess some special talent. But that is their character and uniqueness. It’s something that makes them into ‘them’.

If you look at these people, you will see that they never idolised or worshipped or aspired to be like anyone. They just followed their path and believed in themselves. And they reached success. They made their own unique mark in this world.

And that is what you must do. You must believe in yourself, trust your instincts and follow what you believe in strongly, whole heartedly. And you must leave a mark in this world at the end of your journey and be proud of your achievements.


Photo Credits – google.com

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Abhijith Padmakumar View All

Engineer, writer,blogger, wannabe journalist. This page is a reflection of my life and my opinion about different aspects thats happening around the world. I want people to read my opinions, thoughts, discover their life and be inspired.

34 thoughts on “DON’T PRETEND. JUST BE YOURSELF. Leave a comment

  1. Abhiith, finally I make it to take a closer look at your blog. I like your thoughts very much. At first glance someone might miss the deepness of your thoughts and feelings, because they come along with simple words. But I think finally simplicity is the key to a fulfilled life. Truth and wisdom aren’t complicate in an intellectual meaning. And being or essence of life is vice versa so hard to grasp, because we aren’t simple enough and think too much. I hope you go on with your blog, I’m curious about your next texts and look forward to learn from your wisdom.

    Your thoughts to individuality or identity of a human are totally right, and I have the same attitude or wrote similar texts to motivate people to become themselves. Nevertheless, even a great teacher as Sri Nisargadatta Maharaj who always said that there was no difference between him and those who ask for his advice, was thankful for his teacher who guided him the way. I guess at certain points of our spiritual way we need persons may it be in person or as blogger or author which inspires us – as you do with your blog. But finally we have to find or identity and have to express it alone. We all are precious as we are! Sincerly Volker

    Liked by 4 people

    • Volker, I don’t know how to thank you for the kind words. I want to really thank you from the bottom of my heart for checking out my blog and reviewing it. It’s really a great honour my friend. I started this blog just to inspire people and motivate them because at one point in my life, I was at a very bad shape and it took me some time to come out of it. So, I hope I can help people who need it the most.

      Thank you again for the trust and have a great day ahead, my friend 😊.

      Regards
      Abhijith

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Sorry for being so late to check your blog out but I gotta say it is amazing! You are doing great things by being a mentor and help to the people who reads your blog. Your quality of writing is very spot on. Keep it up!

    Liked by 2 people

  3. Amen and so true! There is no use chasing after someone on their own path. It’s much more exciting to create one for yourself. I used to compare my life to my peers always feeling like I was trailing behind but I have realized over time that it’s really a waste of energy. Why waste that kind of energy worrying about what everyone thinks of you all the time? Slowly but surely I have been directing that energy towards myself and getting to know myself better. As it turns out, I kinda like myself 😉 lol Thanks for the great post 🙂

    Liked by 2 people

  4. No doubt..have to be your own person. Seems like one can easily get caught up in wanting to be someone else as opposed to being themselves today. Ok to be attracted to an attribute of another but not “BE THAT”person. Thanks for posting.

    Liked by 2 people

  5. But pretending is a tool, like anything else. Be yourself. What if who you REALLY are isn’t always very nice to have around? What if you’re a negative person? What if you’re a slob? What if you you think you’re incapable of doing more with your life, of being more? What if you’re the kind of person who is late all the time and can’t seem to get their life together? But…this is who you are. Be yourself. Sometimes…it’s okay to pretend to be the kind of person you would like to be instead of who you are right now. Sometimes, in pretending, we are able to take baby steps. One of my favorite quotes from author Neil Gaiman is this: “And if you cannot be wise, pretend to be someone who is wise, and then just behave like they would.” This is an AMAZING tool, used carefully. For instance, if you are a slob, imagine how someone with a tidy house manages their belongings….and do that. You want to be a writer? Imagine what a writer would do…and write. Take care!

    Liked by 1 person

    • Juli, first of all I want to thank you a lot for taking your time to read my post and comment about it 😊. Yes, you are right. When things start to fall apart in our life we pretend to be someone or adopt a particular strategy some person told us to follow to make our life better. But let me ask you my friend – is it the ultimate solution ? Like if we pretend to be someone for a short time and get over the situation, is it gonna solve all our problems ? No, definitely not. The other person who saw our act might be satisfied, but don’t you think that each person is entitled to be respected and acknowledged in the way that they are ? I am not talking about slobs or people who aren’t cool to hang around or negative people. It’s part of their character and that definitely need to be improved. I am talking about the courage that we need to have within ourself to confront what we are and accept it wholeheartedly, to slowly try to be a person who consistently makes a positive impact thus by becoming a better version of that person as each day passes. And that cannot happen if we pretend to be someone. It’s like trying to create the appearance of fake authority. It can only happen if we start to be consciously aware of our strengths and weaknesses and improve slowly…. just taking the baby steps as you told. I am not disrespecting your opinion. I am telling about my opinion here. Each of us has our own version of our thoughts, thinkings and opinions and I completely respect that.

      That being said, yes I do want to be a writer and it’s one of my biggest dreams in life. I didn’t quite understand what you meant by ‘trying to imagine as a writer and write’, but I definitely will keep that point in my mind. Thanks a lot again and have an awesome day ahead my friend 😇

      Liked by 1 person

      • I appreciate that you took the time to comment so thoroughly! I do understand what you’re trying to communicate. I really do. However, you’re post made me think…which is a good thing! It made me think about the first time I heard this phrase, “Be yourself.” I was a small child, painfully shy, with NO friends. I was awkward. I didn’t know how to communicate with the other children my age. And…like most small children, I was SURE the world was supposed to revolve around me. So this was the “myself” of “be yourself,” of my childhood. Fortunately, we change, and grow, and learn as we grow older. The “myself” of “be yourself” is a fluid concept. As a child, I HAD to change in order to make friends and to be accepted by my peers. My mother would tell me, “It’s not you, it’s them. Those other children are the ones who have a problem, not you.” She was trying to protect me in the only way she knew, but looking back, I think she was wrong. Before I started school, I wasn’t allowed to play with other children, so I never learned how. My mother was VERY protective and religious. I wasn’t allowed to be around anyone who looked different from us or had different beliefs. This was not a kindness, although I KNOW my mother had the best intentions. Selfish, anti-social Juli would not have survived in society as an adult. She needed to learn that it’s okay to talk to other people. She needed to learn to not be so afraid. Of EVERYTHING and EVERYONE. She needed to LEARN kindness, because unfortunately, I wasn’t naturally wired to be kind towards others. I thought about myself and that’s pretty much it. It’s okay to be a little selfish when you’re seven, not so much when you’re in your forties! LOL

        With this bit of background information in mind, it might be easier to understand why I am not a big fan of “be yourself.” I think this assumes that the real you inside is an amazing person, not warped, and twisted, and angry, and fearful. It assumes that if you just let go, let the natural you shine, everything will work out okay. But the me that’s deep inside, is/was REALLY messed up! It has taken me decades of work to be the woman I am today. Even still, when someone compliments me, tells me how kind or generous I am, I feel like an impostor. I feel like I’m fooling people. A part of me has learned to find satisfaction in helping others, and it does come easier as I get older, but this is NOT the natural me of “be yourself.” If I let my natural self free, my life would be in chaos!!! I’d be a horrible person to be around. I’d be a terrible wife and mother.

        This is where pretending has worked for me as just one tool in my arsenal of trying to be a complete, well-balanced person. It is something I have done for years subconsciously, and only recently actively. Sometimes, I don’t feel like I know what to do as a person. I don’t know HOW a well adjusted individual handles things in their life. My mother was very sick, both mentally and physically. She suffered from Multiple Sclerosis. She spent a good chunk of her life in a wheelchair. Quite often, when her pain was bad, she used to tell me that she wished I’d never been born. So…I don’t always KNOW what it’s like to be a good mother. Growing up, I didn’t see a lot of practical examples of what good mothers do. So sometimes, I have to use my imagination. I have to imagine what a mother is supposed to do, how she is supposed to raise a child based on books I’ve read and examples I’ve seen as an adult, and do what they do. Sometimes I feel like one of those zoo gorillas who gives birth in captivity and doesn’t have a clue about how to raise its baby. But…so far, I’ve managed to raise my child into his teens, and he seems to be happy. He knows he is loved. He has friends. He’s very social.

        I think when most people use the phrase, “be yourself,” they’re trying to be kind. They assume that if you’re NOT being yourself, you’re trying to act foolish, like a pop star on TV or something. They never consider what it’s like to be a person who struggles with depression, who is self-taught in the art of being an adult. I have had to unlearn most of what I was taught in my childhood in order to NOT be a hateful person. Honestly, most people who know me now assume that I must have had a happy, loving childhood and are honestly shocked when I share something personal from my past. But none of this came naturally. I worked at the changes I’ve made in my life. Do I accept the person that I am? I acknowledge every twisted bit of me. Do I assume that my past defines me? I feel like a statue that was carved out of marble and perhaps too much of me was carved away, due to lack of experience. My mother did the best she could, based on HER twisted childhood and her limitations. I have to believe that she loved me in her own way, that her past and her pain didn’t leave her much to work with. She did the best she could and now I’m doing the best that I can. My mother has been dead for more than a decade. I’m an adult. My past may have shaped me, but I CAN change. My foundation might be a mess, but I can plaster on the bits that I need to be complete person. They might not be as strong as the original me, and bits of the new me might occasionally crumble, but I glue myself back together (metaphorically speaking) and move on. I don’t have to be warped, and mean, and hurtful, and fearful.

        Is pretending a long term coping strategy? I don’t believe in long term strategies. What works today might not work tomorrow. As I grow as a human being, I actively seek out better ways of handling life. Nothing I do is a forever strategy. I am not the same person as I was when I was seven, or seventeen, or twenty-seven, or thirty-seven, or the woman I am in my mid forties. And I am so very grateful for this!!! There isn’t an “ultimate solution,” at least not for me. Instead, I had to learn to adapt to change, to bend, and listen, and seek, and grow. I do my best to surround myself with people who know how to do this thing we call life better than me. I know women who are loving and caring mothers and I have made these women my mentors. And if I can’t find a mentor close to home, I read what I can to learn what others have done so I can continue to better myself. I don’t blindly follow ANYONE. Based on my past, I don’t trust people easily. The natural me, the one deep inside, assumes everyone is an idiot until proven otherwise. (Another faulty belief system I am actively trying to overcome, as this kind of thinking does NOT help me grow and learn and it certainly doesn’t help with friendships! Yikes!!!)

        As far as using pretending in my writing life, while I know that my voice as writer is my own, based on EVERYTHING there is about me, I do look to authors who are both successful, and well-balanced as individuals, and study them as mentors. Louise Penny is a great example. I enjoy her writing, but I also appreciate the kind of woman she appears to be when she isn’t writing. I have met her in person and she seemed kind and warm. She seemed like a caring wife. (Her husband past away recently.) If it is all a fake, I couldn’t tell. She just seemed like a really nice woman who also writes great mysteries. Author Neil Gaiman is another example. I have no idea if he’s nice or not in real life, but I enjoy his writing and I adored the commencement speech he gave back in 2012. I saw it on YouTube and it was life changing! (Not bad for a twenty minute speech.) So when I say that I imagine myself as a writer and write, what I mean to say is that I imagine I am the kind of person who could be like one of the many authors I adore. I don’t mean that I wish to copy their style of writing. What I mean is that I hold a picture in my mind of a well-balanced, successful writer, a person who writes to create good art. I try to imagine what it would be like to be this kind of person, someone who writes for the pleasure of writing, who doesn’t feel like a complete failure. The person in my head isn’t real, or probably even very realistic. But my imaginary writer, the one I would like to be, is kind and good. She writes words, and hopefully those words will help other broken, twisted people who dream of NOT being broken and twisted. The imaginary writer in my head is compassionate, because I would like to be compassionate. She isn’t easily offended because she has lived with hateful words and like a weed pushing through the cracks in the sidewalk, she grew anyway. Because of my past, I always assume the worst, so I am delighted when I am wrong! (And I am often wrong.) So when I sit down to write, I usually assume that everything I write is garbage. Why bother if I’m going to fail? However, when I pretend and think of my imaginary mentor writer, the one who actually completes their works in progress, it gives my courage and hope that maybe, just maybe I could do this! Maybe I am strong enough. Maybe I am whole enough. Maybe I am good enough. Is this a warped way of looking at the world? Probably!!!! But this is one of the many tools I’ve used, like a crutch, until I become stronger. One day, I might not need it, but not today.

        Take care and keep making posts that make people think!!! I appreciate your words and your thoughts! 😀

        Liked by 1 person

      • OMG THAT WAS A LONG READ, lol. Thanks a lot for reading patiently and replying to me. Juli, first of I am really sorry that you had to go through a lot of difficulties in your initial stage of life. I completely understand how you feel. I have faced problems during my childhood too, so I know how it was for you to be like. And at the same time I am so, so proud of how far a better person you have become by being consciously aware of things happening around you and adapting to it in the best possible way so as to become the best version of yourself. There is nothing wrong in what you did and given the situations I would say that what you did (during the years that you grew ) was the best thing you could have done and I am so proud that you had a strong will and confidence to face your life boldly.

        I understand why you aren’t a big fan of ‘be yourself’ and yes my concept was the one that you have described in your 2nd para. I know that you were messed up once but please Juli, never ever think bad of yourself and feel insecure. You are an awesome person, a responsible wife and an awesome mother. Just believe that and trust me when I say this, I really mean it 😊.

        For you ‘pretending’ has worked well and it has helped you to live a complete, well – balanced life. Sometimes, we have no idea as to how to act like a person. It’s natural, don’t worry about it all. Don’t care how other people handle their life, just think what you want from your life and sort the situation out. I am sorry that your mother told you things that might have hurt you at some point but please understand that some things happen in our life just to show us that we are capable of doing greater things in our later life. I believe that criticisms and objections have made you a more responsible, strong and inspiring individual who people can look up to with pride and contentment.

        Actually, the phrase ‘be yourself’ is a tricky one and I think our interpretation of that phase was little different, although both of us intended it for the good. I agree with your take on ‘be yourself’ considering the experiences you faced in your life. But for me things happened and turned quite good when I was myself and never pretended to be someone just for the sake of getting through life. I faced many hardships in life and never gave up on myself. I worked hard each day and when people told me that I wasn’t capable of doing great things, I showed them that I can. And that happened because I was always me and I never tried to be ‘a person’ which other people expected me to be. The personal struggles, hardships, depressions was all part of that package which I improved by ‘BEING MYSELF’. There was no one to cry for me or help me when I faced troubles in my life. I had to do it all alone by myself and the gravity of that realisation made me believe in myself.

        I am also not a firm believer in long term strategies but I believe that there are some things that we can do, certain things that can help us realise to handle life in a better way.
        As you told there is no ‘ultimate solution’ to all problems. We deal with life and it teaches us how to live. I am so glad that you were able to meet a lot of wonderful, caring, beautiful people as your journeyed through your life. But it’s not a good idea to not trust people always. Believe me, there are a lot of good people out there who are ready to lend their hands when you need it the most 😊. I have had friendship problems too but I have dealt with it and I am improving with each single day. I am making a lot of friends, who are like close family to me now. WordPress was really a great help to me during the time I struggled to find myself.

        I understood your concept on trying to think like a writer and I finally get your point. Thanks a lot for the advise and I will really apply it to my writing Juli 😊.

        I visited your blog and it’s really fantastic. Please do keep writing and inspire people always !! Thanks a lot for engaging in my thoughts. Lots of people don’t do that and getting comments from people like you make me realise how fortunate I am as a person who has to travel a long way in life. Thank you so much once again and have a great day ma’am 😇.

        Liked by 2 people

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